Putting Away Childish Things

I have just finished Marcus Borg's novel Putting Away Childish Things.  I have to say that Borg is NOT a novelist.  The story is more of a parable of academic angst than anything and you have to wonder how much is autobiographical.  But it is a good way to address the process of how people come to a mature faith in a post-modern era.

A member of my parish loaned the book to me after she had read it for a parish book club.  I think it was very difficult for the people in the group to read it because they had not read any of his other books.  Borg can be very disorienting for folk who have not challenged their belief structures.  For those who base their faith on the relationship with God that are supported by the traditional modernist structures, Borg's ideas can pull the rug out from under them.

When I began reading Borg (Meeting Jesus Again for the First Time) I needed something to off-set the questions that I had of Scripture, Theological History and strident claims that many of the right-wing were making of faith.  I had never believed in the concept of Redemption as a principle of faith.  And the God that I knew would not condemn humanity to Original Sin but there were great theologians who were still thumping Augustine and other 5th century theologians to maintain their theological house of cards.  And the one thing that kept my card house standing was that I had had enough experience of the Holy One that nothing could destroy it.  His reasoning and his solid scriptural underpinnings helped me to entertain new structures for a new age.  And it has changed my life.  My faith is stronger and less accreted with fairy tales and more solidly built on the wonderful relationship I have with that ineffable Goodness that is both within and without me that, for want of a better word, I call God.

Being somewhat of a history buff, I can appreciate the need for different eras to define what it means to have faith.  But long before I knew of Borg's work, I knew that believing and having faith were two separate things.  Belief was a cognitive expression.  Faith has always been a relationship in which trust was at the center.

Cognitively I can say that I believe that Jesus of Nazareth lived.  His life was unique enough for people to have been moved by him to know the Holy.  I believe that he embodied the Holy better than his era had ever seen before and therefore many stories were told about him.  Some were true; some were exaggerations.  I do not have a problem with that.  Hyperbole is part of the human condition.  But through his teaching he helped change the way people of faith experience the world.

The other cognitive thing that I know is that the Holy can be experienced.  It is not something that can be quantified.  It is not something that can be even well described.  But it too can change peoples' lives.  It cannot be proved.  All I know is that it is that experience of the Holy/Divine/Goodness/God is what gets me up in the morning and makes life rich and full each day.  Sometimes I experience that Holy One in the person of Jesus;  sometimes I know it through the Spirit.  Sometimes I know the Holy One as a Warrior Goddess, El Shaddai, who defends me against the things that well up in my heart.  At times I know the still small voice that Ezekiel heard after the whirlwind and I too cover my face at Its presence.

Because I can find my experience of faith (trusting relationship) in Scripture, I know it is a book of faith.  Because I know that many of the stories of how God has been present to people for 5 thousand years, I read Scripture.  I do not need to know if it is factual or not.  I do not need to know that it has been handed down as unchangeable for centuries (it hasn't).  I do not need to make an idol out of the Bible by believing it immutable.  There are many places where the Bible has big mistakes in it (cf. Misquoting Jesus, Ehrman) But that cannot shake the faith--the trust I have in the Holy One that has made its self known to me throughout my life.  It is a trust I have in the Creator and Creation.  It is a trust in humanity even though the flawed nature of humanity has battered that trust on so many occasions   But because humanity is a creation of the Holy Creator, I can trust in the incarnate presence of the Holy.

And what I experience in the presence of the Holy is love.  I have come to know myself as one who is loved more than life.  I have come to know in that presence that God loves those whom I do not and I can trust that God will protect them when I cannot or will not.  I know that it is love that makes this life that I live worth living.  But I did know a time before I knew of the presence of the Divine that I did not love myself in order to love others.  I had to allow that before I could really embrace the kind of love that the Holy One had for me.  It primed the pump, so to speak and opened me to embrace a life that is focused on how God makes God's presence known in others' lives.

I used to be an inveterate church woman.  I loved the community of the Church and 'believed' in it as an institution.  I still love being a part of this grand scheme of faith community, but I know now the flawed character of the Church.  I have seen such unholy things done in the name of Church and it breaks my heart.  I still want to get up in the morning and be a part of my church brothers and sisters.  They are my family, but they aren't perfect and neither am I.  I love the dance steps of the liturgy.  I love the signs and symbols that layer my faith.  But sometimes I get so discouraged by the way that the Church acts and structures itself in fear of making a mistake.  I think that the story of Peter's denial should be a graver story--the Rock of the Church was the one who made the most mistakes of Jesus' disciples.  We who are church folk should be more cognizant of that story than we are.

The thing about Borg's work is that he has made me think.  He helped me 'put away childish things' so that my faith could be more mature based upon the experience of the Holy.   Even if the Church might fail, my faith will continue.  Even if archaeologists 'find the body of Jesus' I will still have faith in a Creator who loves me and loves goodness and who loves humanity.  It is the experience of have of him/her that makes all the difference.  Will I continue the Church dance--of course I will!  I will continue in the worship because it is the dance that brings me closer and changes my heart to love more.  Will I continue to tell the stories of Jesus and the patriarchs?  Certainly.  It is where I hear stories of others trying to live out their experience of the Holy too.  God is too good for me to stop now.

Friday Five: Where is its HOME?

As noted at my own blog, my word for the year is "clear."

One of the things to which this refers is clearing away clutter.

One of the best ways I have found to do this is to give everything that comes into my house a HOME. And I can easily tell that I have too many things when there are not enough homes for them all!

I gleaned the idea of items having homes  from my younger sister who used to say to her toddlers, "See that book on the floor there? Is that its home? No? Please put the book into its home." Often, I am saying the same words to myself that she said to her little ones.

Photo from Discountofficeitems.com

In my mother's house, the Marks-A-Lot marker always went in the cupboard next to the sink. I don't know why, I just know that's where the Marks-A-Lot goes, still and forever, in my house many miles away.

So:  Tell us your favorite homes for five things, the places that you can always and reliably find them. 

Tell us about them; show us pictures if you want!  And definitely post a link in the comments, using the following formulation, so we can all come and see.



ps: the prevailing wisdom that one should never have a "junk drawer"? I don't buy that. Because, where else do you put your birthday candles, tiny measuring tape, kite string, eyeglasses repair kits, etc.? 

Morning after the Day Before: Baptist Epiphany

Every once in a while I need to have a different worship experience and yesterday I took the day off from our parish to attend a Baptist Church in Dallas.  If you grow up in Texas, you have a bit of Baptist in you.  It comes in the water, I think.  Baptist and southern Church of Christ are so ubiquitous that the pollen gets into your system even if you rebel against it.

For many years I categorically  opposed all things Baptist as a way to declare my faith different and therefore 'better' than the majority culture.  Even during my one year at Colgate-Rochester Theological School which also housed Bexley Hall Episcopal Seminary did not help my adversity to the Baptists.  (The northern Baptists are quite different from the Southern Baptists but they are still Baptists!).  I thought their congregational polity exclusive and their dependence solely on Scripture naive.  It would be years before I really learned how naive my catholic dependence on tradition was too.

My worship experience yesterday was a wonderful one.  All the elements of our Episcopal service were found in the Baptist communion service.  Even if the confession was missing, it was implied.  They actually celebrated the Epiphany and the readings followed the Lectionary.  There was even a self-proclaiming Democrat's car parked in the parking lot--how amazing!  The community was welcoming and delighted that I was there in my clerics.  I had corresponded with the pastor on line for some time after hearing his sermons on the local radio on Sunday mornings.  He is an excellent preacher and often challenges me to think again on the readings of the day.  What is more is that he is clear about his own roots--not only personally, but denominationally.

Most of one's professional ministry the leader in a specific denomination must be willing to speak on how his/her denomination is preferable to others.  In some denominations, there is a prohibition to attend, commune, or participate in the worship of other denominations.  And while I understand some of the fear that those leaders have, I have never found that fear of the other makes for a good spiritual underpinning.  When new Christian came to my church I always wanted to know what brought them to my parish.  It was often the reaction to another church simply because of how they practiced their faith. I had to search to find where I would be able to worship the God that I knew.

I truly believe in denominationalism.  Each denomination has a particular point of view of the Christ Event.  They have theologies that emphasize certain aspects of the life of Christ.  None of us contain all truth, but they convey a particular way to live out the Christian life.  I love my Episcopal/Anglican understanding of the Incarnation through the Sacraments and mission.  But I also know that there are many who do not understand the worship of my denomination and know that they would not feel as comfortable within that tradition as I.  That does not mean that occasionally I can't worship with them to live out the solidarity that I have with all who call Christ the center of their lives.  It is a part of the reality of ecumenism that IS the center of the Triune God.

After a taste of Baptist, I am ready to return to my home church, the people, the traditions, the Incarnational living out of Christ's message that it holds.  But I know profoundly of the solidarity with my sisterhood with those Baptists of Dallas.  We have spent too much of God's time playing 'us-them'; it is time to reach out hands to claim our commonality, our sameness, our joy in the relationship with the God who loved us more than life.  In retirement I can do that, and it feels right.

Friday Five: Resolutions and Absolutions Edition

Lucy, the Margate (NJ) Elephant, Celebrates the New Year

The New Year has dawned! At this point, we are four days in. The photo above shows an icon of my hometown in full on celebration mode. And this is, of course, typically a time when many of us try to turn over a new leaf, start a new habit, or otherwise live into the newness of the year. As for me and my house, there is a concerted effort afoot to keep a record of everything I eat, as well as the seasonal re-commitment to morning prayer. At the same time, I'm trying to cultivate a more self-accepting stance, an attitude of gentleness and forgiveness with myself when I don't keep those promises. Herewith, a Friday Five all about Resolutions and Absolutions.

Resolutions:

1. Start by sharing your success stories with us: In the past, what resolution has been your most successful? What change have you made that has been the most beneficial, to your mood, health, finances, or other way of being in the world?

On Jan. 1 1980 after a New Year's eve of bridge and smoking and not much drink, I woke with the worst hangover I have ever had.  It was from the smoke.  I quit that day and have not smoked since.  I have become an anti-smoker, much to my roomie's disgust.  But I can't stand the smell of smoke to this day. 

2. What is one thing you hope to do differently this year with regard to health, either physical or spiritual? If you are satisfied with your current status in both areas, perhaps you would be willing to share something you've already done (or regularly do) to care for yourself.

Since I have been off my feed for almost a month, I have finally given in to have the GI tests I probably need and am seeing a specialist.  When Muthah doesn't eat, she gets very grumpy!

3. What is one thing you hope your family (of origin, of choice, however you define your primary place of mutual emotional sustenance) will do differently this year? A new tradition for birthdays? More vacation time? Game night? Feel free to really dream about ways to deepen your connections with those you love.

This is still in the planning stage so I am not at liberty to post it.

 

4. What is one thing you hope your community of faith will consider doing differently this year? New music? Different approaches to preaching? Rearranging the furniture? If you are in a position to try to introduce change, share some of your enthusiasm and/ or anxiety with us!

For those of us in the Diocese of Fort Worth, get our property back so that we can go about rebuilding this diocese after the horror of clerical schism.

Absolutions:

5. In what area would you most like to learn to be gentle with yourself? For what would you most like to forgive yourself? Share your ideas and strategies for extending yourself the kind of grace we know we are assured of. 

I have not been feeling well for some weeks and I get very grumpy with myself and with others.  Mostly I try to avoid others rather than be grumpy with them which I think just exacerbates the problem.  I can't write coherently or think very clearly.  I need to let myself just be sick--but that is just soooo boring.

Christmas Eve:

About forty-five years ago tonight I went to Mid-night Mass for the first time.  At that time I was a struggling professional musician and a public school teacher in Dallas.  And like all struggling musicians we made most of our money during the Christmas season.  I have played the Messiah so many times and various Christmas oratorios that I could probably play the 2^nd French horn part in my sleep. 

A fellow French horn player invited me to play at the Mid-night service at her convent.  But this wasn’t a paid gig.  I was just doing a favor for a friend.   Sr. Lorene and I had become friends while we were playing in a local civic orchestra.  We liked the same kind of beer!  And we enjoyed talking about the same things.  But she had something I did not:  faith.

The evening began with a quiet processional with the sisters entering singing Gregorian chant in Latin with a darkened chapel and only candles lighting the faces of those around.  Some of the students of the nuns and their families were there.  Some of the families of the sisters came to that service too, so the place was full and warm.  And something changed in this rather jaded professional musician.  This was no longer a gig—it was worship! I had never been so nervous in my musical life!  There is a difference in playing a job and offering your gift to the Christ of your faith. 

Somewhere in that service, the world changed for me that night.  And my prayer tonight is that this worship service can be that same experience for you.  For I want you to know that your gift of worship to the God who loves us more than life, changes you.

 

All too often we go to our worship services seeking to receive something from God or the community.  We want to receive our Lord in the Sacrament of the Altar.  We want to hear a good sermon. We want to celebrate with our friends and family. We want to experience the delight of our children’s faces in the light of the candles.  We want to revisit the excitement of our childhood naivete about Christmas.  We want to experience that family richness that we remember or wish we remembered.  But less often do we realize that what we do tonight is “our bounded duty.”  It is our gift to the Christ child.  We are here to bring ourselves to the God who loves to celebrate God’s gift to us in the Christ. 

The whole purpose of Christmas is for us to remember that God had the temerity to come live with us in Jesus the Christ.  In this person who came and dwelt among us has lightened our darkness, has given us ways for us to walk as the children of light.  This child was destined to change us forever. 

The whole of the Incarnational event is about where God and humanity meet.  It says to us that holiness is not just for other people.  We touch the greatness of God in the simplicity of our lives and we are ennobled by it.  No longer are we the lump of clay, or the sin-filled soul.  We have been raised to the greatness of God in this service tonight to give us a glimpse of what we are called to if only for a moment.  

In Eastern Christianity, the Orthodox churches know that it is through worship that we brought to that newness that is symbolized by the Christ Child.  Through the enactment of these holy mysteries we come to a newness in ourselves.   Things change; the earth moves under our feet and our actions are turned into gift.  The gift of God in the Christ becomes also the gift we offer to God in our hearts.

I know that some of you are here tonight because Mom or Grandma wanted you to come.  Or it is the thing you do on Christmas Eve.  But if the earth does not move under your feet tonight, keep coming back.  It will.  Worship does that.  When the service becomes gift, it changes one’s whole perspective.  When life becomes a gift, our lives change. 

It is in the touch of the Holy that we can see the goodness of life.  It is in this gift-giving that we know that change is possible no matter how old we are or how entrenched we are.  It is in this night that we come to live into the grace that God gives in the sacrament of living this ancient story of God constant saving grace of God’s presence every moment of our lives.  Our lives change when our lives become gift, when our actions become offerings of our humanity in the face of God’s holiness.  And they and we are transformed.

So my prayer for you tonight is that you allow yourselves to bring your gift to the altar.  Bring your hearts to the Christ Child tonight.  Come to Bethlehem and see this remarkable gift that has been given us, but do not come empty handed.  Offer the Child your heart.  You will be changed.  Amen

It is time---

I had planned to blog today on Advent.  But I must admit I did not sleep well last night.  The visions of news reports from Newtown, CN kept replaying.  I couldn't watch my usual TV programs of whodunits.  I couldn't even read my ever-present mystery to put me to sleep.  The tragedy of children being murdered in their classrooms and the insanity that perpetrates such acts sadly is not unimaginable.  It images lie all around us in classrooms and college campuses.

Nothing helps that pain.  Nothing helps the loss.  The grief is so beyond our ability to express that I border on anger because I cannot express it.  There is no way to be rid of it save ignoring the world and plunge ourselves into shopping--that great salve for all anxiety.

The sad part is that no one is talking about the elephant in the living room: the preponderance of automatic and semi-automatic weapons in the hands of those who are depressed, homicidal, or suicidal.  And to the politicians that are afraid of the NRA, it is time!  It is time to stand up to the gun lobby for the sake of our children.

Back in my teens and twenties, I was a shooting buff.  A neighbor got me into a rifle program where I learned hunter's safety, shot in matches and got medals for my prowess. The NRA still runs great programs for young hunters. I too became an instructor and even taught marksmanship at a summer camp.  I had learned in my Junior High Days of the  potential danger of guns:  a popular school chum had killed his best friend in a hunting accident.  I grieved then for the boy who was killed and I still grieve for the man who has carried that death in his heart for over 50 years.  So I learned the proper respect for firearms.  But these were single shot .22's, not assault weapons.

Growing up in TX, in the late 40's and 50's, we were even then a part of the American if not the peculiar Texas gun culture.  It was our right to have weapons so we said.  It was the way that we maintained our freedom, we told ourselves.  We could go to our gun closets and be prepared for any attack upon the US of A, or so we thought.  Of course most of my growing up was after the nuclear weapons that were dropped on Japan.  It was the time of the duck and cover madness of the Cold War.  We began to dream of such noble defense of our nation with movies such  Red Dawn (the first one) and other guerrilla heroics.

Throughout 80's and 90's this gun culture grew to include various militia craziness in parts of the country because the disenfranchised were drawn to paramilitary games led by ideological wing-nuts that played war games in the unpopulated West.  Add to all of this paranoia the drug culture that makes humans lethal at almost all levels, it is not surprising that we are experiencing gun violence at a level that wrenches the hearts of us all.  We are not alone, in this country.  We need but remember the Swedish killer, the bombings of various terrorists or 'freedom fighters' who strap explosives to their chests to kill as many as they can.

But there is one way to end much of the carnage in our world.  Bring a halt to the production of guns.  Curtailing the large magazine automatic and semi-automatic guns is one way of addressing the gun violence in our nation. Limiting accessibility to assault weapons and large magazine hand guns can save lives.  But I wonder if we have the nerve to do it.  We have become a culture that is so centered on 'protection' that we have made our world unsafe for our children, our most vulnerable.

It is time--it was time 10 years ago after Columbine, it was time 50 years ago when there was a gunman on the University of TX tower.

So today I mourn.  I mourn for the loss of lives and the trauma to so many families rather than prepare for the coming of the Christ child.  Whenever faced with the evil of our world, it is hard to sleep.  We know that the human propensity towards great evil is there, but we do not have to feed it.  We do not have to feed that evil with weapons of mass destruction.  In our nation we maintain great vigilance on those who would misuse explosives at home and abroad.  My question is why we do not have the same confidence to face up to the gun culture of this nation and address the gun laws?

Friday Five: Advent

Pat Raube, a fellow liturgical snob, has posted a Friday Five on Advent.  Now that I am back in the bible belt where Christmas decorations go up before Halloween, I have been rebellious about being 'out there' with Christmasy stuff.  I tend to be rather Christmas phobic anyway. Pat even posted a youtube of Sting singing Gabriel's Message which I refuse to post.  Can't stand his voice.  So here is my take of the season.  ~  Muthah+

Those of you who are my friends on Facebook know I've been trying to post Advent music in this season, which is no small trick because, as you well know, it's been "Christmas" since Halloween in the world out there! So today we focus on Advent and its music-- the good, the bad, the new and the as-yet-unheard!

1. First, do you come from a tradition in which the Advent season is embraced? This is not true for all of us. If you do, what is your personal preference? Do you love it or hate it? Embrace it or want it to go away already? How enthusiastically does your church enter into Advent?

Oh, yes.  I am an Episcopalian who lives with a cradle-Episcopalian.  I am also a former Roman Catholic so I LOVE Advent.  It is my favorite season because of the readings.  The anticipation is exquisite and the sense of quiet is such a refuge from the nutzy Christmas buying frenzy.  I really am rather phobic about Christmas.  But Advent makes the whole time beautiful.  

2. What is your favorite Advent music? (A tiny hint about mine can be found above.) Link to a favorite piece if you can.

I have never learned how to link music but I love Creator of the stars of Night, Wachet auf (in harmony and auf Deutch ) and Prepare the way, O Zion.  

3. What Advent music makes your skin crawl-- or at least annoys you and makes you wish it were Christmas already?

I am pretty tired of O Come, O Come Emmanuel.  I love the whole thing but I really love when they can be sung as they were intended as O Antiphones for the Magnificate the last 8 days before Christmas, but alas we don't live in community of singers and say the Divine Office daily.

4. Any Advent discoveries or re-discoveries? Again, we love links-- share your music with us!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zeKvNxYMDxE   This isn't quite Advent but it is quiet and meditative on the whole season.

5. Tell us how your Advent is going this year. Lost in a haze of church busyness? Finding ways to sit quietly in the darkness and wait? Give us your tips for a really rich Advent experience.

We have a remarkably vigilant neighborhood association where we live now.  We have only put a wreath on the door and a single string of lights up.  The neighborhood is ablaze however.  I know all of that will be down and packed away by Christmas night while we will only put on our lights up during Advent IV.  I will keep them up until Epiphany and perhaps until Ash Wed. if the association doesn't get crabby.  I am staying out the frenzy of church stuff although I preaching both Advent IV and Christmas Eve!  Our rector loves giving us what we like to preach on and I love preaching Christmas Eve.  I am actually going to be able to sing the mass at the main service.  I feel really blest in this parish after being in my previous diocese where I couldn't even celebrate for 8 years.  God is good for those who wait.